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Church Announces New Home Teaching ‘Rollover Visits’ Policy

SALT LAKE CITY – In an effort to encourage brethren to complete their Home Teaching, an official press release by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints confirms that a new ‘rollover visits’ policy is effective immediately.

Similar to ‘rollover minutes’ in many cell phone plans, ‘rollover visits’ allow Quorum members to accumulate visits completed within the same month and apply them to Home Teaching reports in future months.

For example, if Brother Smith were to visit his assigned members 12 times in January, he could report one hundred percent Home Teaching for the whole year, according to the policy change outlined in Handbook 2: Administering the Church, section 7.4.5.

Brother Smith would then be free to use his time for more important things, like watching football and harassing his wife about her abnormally large collections of small porcelain elephants.

While reactions from members have been mixed, Elders Quorum President Dale Granger says he’s embracing the change. 

“A lot of brethren just can’t seem to complete their Home Teaching,” he says. “I hear the same totally valid excuses every month: ‘I just had a lot going on this month.’ ‘Our schedules just didn’t match up.’ ‘Sorry dude I totally forgot [after remembering on 16 different occasions and doing nothing].’ Hopefully this policy encourages a change.”

In a subsequent press conference which you can watch here, the Church also primed the public for additional upcoming changes, including a detailed revision of what counts as a Home Teaching ‘visit’. Sources say the bar may be lowered all the way down to a “meaningful nod from across the chapel”.

 


 

All joking aside, check out this great talk about Home Teaching from 1997 by President Thomas S. Monson – he tells a cute story about starlings and the ethics of shooting them. You’ll like it.

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The Sunday Pews

The Church is true. The doctrines are true. The Book of Mormon is what Joseph Smith said it is. That being said, we Mormons can be pretty goofy sometimes. The Sunday Pews aims to poke fun at the human quirks specific to our subculture, not the sacred doctrines we hold so dear. All articles are satirical in nature.

5 thoughts on “Church Announces New Home Teaching ‘Rollover Visits’ Policy”

  1. No way!! I thought I was being so original when I emailed in my visiting teaching report and asked if, since we visited for about an hour, could that be counted for the next month, too! Nothing new under the sun *sigh*. I still feel good about the “Drive By And Scream ‘Hello!’ When You See Them Working In Their Yard”, in a pinch. It all counts, so said somebody.

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